Is it ok to spank my kid? | Skinny Decaf Latte

Is it ok to spank my kid?

By on May 25, 2016

 

        To spank or not to spank? Let me start off by saying being a parent is tough! It’s filled with awesome days, days where you truly doubt your ability to child rear, and tough decisions. It is by far, the toughest most rewarding thing you’ll ever do in life. With that being said, I take my mommy role very seriously- some may call me extreme.

        Among choosing foods, toys and which activities to introduce to my child came the choice of how I would discipline him. Now, I know a lot of people, my generation included, that spank and believe it’s OK. Most say, “I was spanked and I turned out fine.” to back their use of spanking as a disciplinary tool. Don’t get me wrong I’m not fighting these people I just yearned to find another way. One that wouldn’t inflict pain or make my child feel overpowered and less of a person.

       Growing up I was spanked. Not very often but spanking was the norm in our home and family. I wasn’t spanked a ton because I quickly learned to not get caught. I didn’t learn to “act right” because of the spankings, I learned to hide my negative behavior. This isn’t something I want for my son, there has to be a better way. I refuse to let this strong bond that I have with him dwindle because of physical punishment or him not feeling he can express himself to his own mother. My son has felt a swat on his diapered bum a time or two because in the beginning of my journey and searching I thought ‘I guess this is normal, this is what we do.’ But it never felt right in my heart.

      My son never raised his hand to hit another person until one day during a play date the other child smacked him. He began hitting his father and I and I retaliated by swatting his little hand, which made him swat mine back. This was my Aha! Moment. ‘Monkey see, Monkey do’ came to mind. I don’t want hitting to be my son’s way of expressing himself but by my hitting him I am in fact telling him its OK to hit, when someone does something you don’t like. I was in search of a preventative not a punishment. I have to be the person I want my son to be. If I want him to be gentle towards others I hardly think that spanking him will do the trick.

      My son has time outs and we have lots of heart to hearts about his sometimes, naughty behavior. I plan to find the root of the problem and not punish his outbursts but help him work through his off days. This has been working well for us and is actually getting better the more his vocabulary grows. He is beginning to express his feelings and frustrations and this makes getting to the bottom of the issue so much easier. There’s always a root, be it he being tired, hungry or frustrated with the fact that he cannot fully communicate his needs. I mean, even as adults we have our own outbursts and ‘naughty’ days where we act out and yet we expect for toddlers and children in general to act accordingly when we often cannot practice what we preach.

       I don’t know where this road will lead once he’s older but it is my belief that he will grow confident to own his feelings and to accept frustration and will be able to freely process these natural occurrences without feeling condemned about having them to begin with. All I can do is continue researching, trying alternative gentle disciplinary methods and *fingers crossed* it all turns out for the better.

I’m not saying spanking is wrong but its wrong for my family, and I make decisions based on what works for us. After all, isn’t that what motherhood is all about?

 

For tips and info on gentle parenting visit www.naturalparenting.com

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